“Oh…that’s okay… just take care of yourself! Don’t worry about me!”
You say that to loved ones often. Yet, it doesn’t matter when you are told exactly the same. The words don’t apply to you as it seems that people expect your assistance. Besides, self love feels selfish. You’ve been taught to be much more loyal to yourself than others and so it comes with ease. Additionally, you assume that noticing others’ needs will automatically guarantee that they notice yours.
Earlier, I would have been the last person to write an article about self love. Two years ago, I was in a car on a dark, rainy night with my sobbing roommate driving two hours away to pick up her things from her temperamental, recently demoted to ex boyfriend. I was also trying to cram for a difficult Economics final that was set for the next day. She was back to cuddling with her boyfriend in moments while I was a nervous wreck due to the loss of time.
I rushed to my finals completely sleep deprived. I was still fielding calls, texts and in person visits from friends that found their way to me as I tried to cram every graph I saw in the book. I was everyone’s support. I disliked seeing anyone upset and frequently put their feelings over mine. But as a result, I was drained, overwhelmed and cranky. Picture someone who is kind to everyone they meet but glare or turn away when they see you. As harsh as it sounds, that’s what you do when you cheat on yourself.
Over a year later, I was still cheating. This time, I was a self employed Angel Reader in a bookstore. I often gave away much of my reading time for free. I once spent 2 hours past closing time just to ensure that someone else felt happier. Boundaries were my Achilles heel. I also feared the backlash I had already encountered from when I slowly tried to assert myself.
Energy is very easy to understand. The more you put others over yourself, the more drained you are. It’s simply because it doesn’t make you happy. Your thoughts also have a way of manifesting themselves. So if you’re riddled with guilt and fear, that’s exactly what reflects back to you in other people.
I had a recent self love wake up call. I was neglecting myself much more than usual and had forgotten the most important thing ever. Giving myself a break. When you give others’ more time than yourself, you find that the same people might start to resent your help. That’s because when you lack the energy to give to them and they pick up on help coming more from a place of guilt or habit rather than from happiness. It says quite a bit about your faith in them.
My body had retaliated against my lack of loyalty. Before I knew it, I had manifested tremendous pain in my heart. I read energy for a living, but my own body had suddenly given me the silent treatment. I deserved it and wooing it back with a bunch of roses and chocolates didn’t sound like an favorable option.
I then found that the more space I had, the happier I was. The pain was an internal alert as to when I was letting myself down. I began to pull myself away from being in a position that I didn’t want to be in. It left me with more time to be genuinely happy and silly. How often have you found yourself having innocent moments these days? If your answer is not often, it’s time to grab a water pistol or find frosting immediately.
I then started to thank it for teaching me such a valuable lesson. And in return, it finally opened up to telling me of all the guilt energy I had stored within. I waved goodbye to both the energy and my pain. I strongly urge all of you to listen to what your body really thinks as the advice comes from a really loving place.
I’m certain that this article will prove to be an easier wake-up call for you than the one I had. And since it’s fresh in my mind, here’s some of the best ways to treat yourself well.
Focus Within: Whenever you feel overwhelmed by others’ demands as well as your own, start to draw your energy back to you. Our spirits sometimes tend to leave our bodies when things get uncomfortable. Calling your spirit energy to your body allows you stay centered and look at the situation objectively. Simply saying, “Spirit come back!” works wonders.
‘Imperfect’ stands for ‘I’m perfect’: As humans, we are taught to be the best. We are taught to be number 1 and are rewarded with accolades and praise. In order to practice self love, you must absolutely must try laughing at critical thoughts. Laughing at them allows you to not only understand but enjoy the feeling of realizing what they truly are. Just thoughts.
Thank you!: Realize that a part of yourself is Divine. Showing gratitude to yourself is thanking Source for making you and the good in your life. Thank others as well so that you can revel in more gratitude.
Cut your cords: Cords are energetic attachments that tend to drain you, especially if you love to heal other people. Picture being wrapped in a cocoon of spider thread and you have the drift. Picture slicing them with a big, shiny sword or having Archangel Michael do it for you. Try it!
Confront Your Feelings: Start to deal with guilt, fear or self criticism by just acknowledging it. It doesn’t need a long conversation. It only wants for you to say hello to it. Trust me on this one, turning your back on your feelings is like creating a tower from a peanut. Reveling in them turns them into an uncomfortable, heavy, musty sack cloth. Acknowledging it allows it to be what it is, just a simple feeling.
Yes, you may indulge: Yes, there are things that everyone around you needs, but you are entitled to something for yourself. Allow yourself to bask in the feeling of spoiling yourself a little. If that’s a little hard, start with scheduling more “me time”. Find that half an hour for yourself and make sure that you can make a habit of it. And if an excuse crops up as to why you can’t do it, talk to yourself about it. Half an hour sounds pretty reasonable to me.
Clap for yourself: What? Do you look like a walking audience? Yes, I mean it. Clap every time something good happens to you. You deserve to stop and revel in the applause. If it’s not too much work, start a journal on the things you’ve done well today. If you think you can be bold about it, try it on your Facebook or Twitter as well.
Michelle’s status says: I rock. I just do. *Claps*
Daydream:If you find it hard to daydream, find music from your teen years. Lock the door and think back to the days when you giggled over an overly gelled doe eyed music singer, air guitared to an amazing band or both. Consider doing the same. The best way to woo your own self is to not be so serious.
“I don’t want to do this”: Start to acknowledge when you feel uncomfortable with certain people or situations. An immediate reaction is not required but listening to your thoughts is a pivotal step. It says that you’re actually starting to listen to your needs instead of automatically catering to others.
I’m funny….really: Laugh at yourself, you were not meant to be perfect. Laugh, even if it takes a comedy to do so. Send yourself light especially when you find that you’ve been beating yourself up or feeling guilty.
Ask for help and Receiving: Don’t block yourself to love by letting your old cheater beliefs win. Make that attempt to allow support in as you embark on being committed to yourself.
Deep breaths: It’s hardest to love yourself when you go through denser emotions. The truth is that these emotions cause you to pause and pay attention to how you feel about something. Start with deep breaths. I highly recommend this one, especially when you feel like you have no time to be there for yourself.
Daily Message Books: Choose a book that gives you messages for the day and place it where it is easy to find. My all time favorite message book is Doreen Virtue’s ‘Daily Guidance from Your Angels’. You are also welcome to channel your own messages for each day.
Feel free to put your hand on your heart right now. Picture light streaming from above, going straight into your heart. Remind yourself how loved and supported you are and tell yourself that you will forever be committed as well. Feel your heart beat as you say “I love you”. Remind yourself to do this daily.
I wonder if Hallmark makes cards to give yourself. Just kidding!
I truly send all my best wishes, love, light and hugs on your wonderful journey of true self love. Feel free to leave comments and feedback below!