We always hear the saying, “hurt people, hurt people,” and it’s true! I wish this wasn’t true, because it is always easier to blame someone else for our feelings, emotions and pain. I am a huge fan of Don Miguel Ruiz’s life altering book, The Four Agreements. The agreement, “Don’t Take Anything Personally”, really represents this concept. Ruiz says, “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
I train people to become Prana Boosters™. These are people who can be out in the world and transform someone’s behavior in their mind, so they can now help them either physically or metaphysically, instead of attacking, being offended, or harshly judging them.
The truth is we can only stand in our own power, when acknowledging that someone who is acting out has not learned how to manage their painful feelings and emotions. This is why they are throwing their emotions outwards. The minute we can stay removed and disconnected from someone else’s harsh words and emotions they no longer have any power. Without a willing partner, this person cannot proceed with their tantrum, outburst, or misalignment. The negative “Ping Pong” game cannot continue since it takes two participants to go back and forth in a discussion, disagreement, or argument. Also, at this point we may even be able to help them. Rather than call them a name or join them in acting out.
I believe we need to change & upgrade our vocabulary. So many things evolve over time, yet each generation is learning and agreeing to use the same socially agreed upon ‘low vibration’ words to channel their emotions. It is possible to see the behavior of others differently. We really need to upgrade our vocabulary and our reactions. We upgrade our cars, our lives, our own selves, our relationships, and our smart phones. We need new words and new ways to relate our feelings. People call each other names using this word a**hole, they even call THEMSELVES this word. Words are powerful vibrations and hold energy. Our thoughts and our words create our lives.
Our girls are 10.5 and 8.5 and they may possibly be the only kids that have not ever heard this word and do not know of it yet. (Until they read my article and I may have to explain it.) Why? Because, we are all mindful of what they hear and see and watch and we do not use this word in our family. They do know there may be some words that are “bad words” or “swear words” as people call them. We teach them that there really are no bad words, however it is the energy behind how words are used that hurts. So we like to say there are all sorts of words and some have high vibration some are low vibration.
I believe that when we can see someone is in pain rather than calling them this name or others, we automatically have the ability to tap into our own heart’s pain and help heal each other. When we can learn the difference between observation and judgment we can become “helpers” or Prana Boosters™ in the world. Let’s ask ourselves why we give these words and other people so much power over our emotions. Why do we seem to weaken when someone else is angry and they are sending their anger in our direction? We have to work harder to understand that we can be strong and stable in our knowing of who we are and how special we are and really learn to separate ourselves in the moment of emotional breakdowns.
Here are 4 Steps to shift our thinking and protect ourselves from feeling victimized, taking it personally, or becoming wounded when someone outside of us is upset:
Step 1: We must know in our hearts that their emotions are THEIRS to handle. We get to choose how we react and what we say, how we feel, or what we do next.
Step 2: We need an emergency plan in place to understand that when someone is upset this is not the time to talk things through. This person needs time to “realign” their energy before they would be able to have a calm discussion.
Step 3: We will not typically succeed to convince someone to see things our way and we do not need to. They have their own perspective and in their eyes they are right, because they are describing things from their state of seeing, feeling, & believing in life.
Step 4: Sometimes while talking to someone or being in the presence of someone upset, Transformational Teacher & Author, Niurka suggests putting your hand over your heart. This can help remind you to come from a place of love and shift the energy of the conversation. “While you are not responsible for the actions of another, you are able to consciously respond to everything in your reality. Your power to respond is your power to create.” ~ Niurka, Surpreme Influence: Change Your Life with the Power of the Language You Use
WE ARE ALL ONE. WE ARE ALL CONNECTED TO EACH OTHER. It is possible to see the world through loving eyes and offer compassion and empathy to others rather than judgment. We can commit to using mindful language that will “uplift/boost” and add to the wellness of another human being free of blame, shame and guilt so anyone with misaligned energy can find their way back to connection. Everyone involved needs to take time together, then after everyone is reconnected…you can discuss it calmly and work out a solution.
When emotions are flaring, it doesn’t matter what made you or the other person/child/human upset, it matters that you ARE upset and misaligned. The best advice for any conflict is: CONNECTION BEFORE CORRECTION. You must be connected to someone in order to have any ability to inspire action, have a discussion, create preferred behavior, or find solutions.
Teaching compassion rather than judgment and criticism is the catalyst for change that our world need so desperately. Let’s get creative and come up with new ways to cope with our emotions. Let’s remember: “That Person Is Not An A**HOLE, they are a HURT SOUL.”™ (Tweetable)