Have you ever felt , or actually been told, that you or your thoughts or your opinions, dreams, feelings … don’t matter? Whether in a particular situation or throughout an extended journey? For those of us who have felt this, or witnessed this happening to another person, it can be a challenging imprisonment to break out of. The very simple truth, the very simple key, is that You Do Matter.
It has taken me a long time to learn that it is not only okay to say what we need … it is in fact healthy to tell someone what we need in a relationship.
This is not to say that I believe it is okay or right or acceptable to make demands or insist on someone meeting our needs, nor do I believe it is right or acceptable to have a performance based relationship and call it love.
What I do feel it means is that it is healthy for our relationships when we can express what it is that we need in order for our partnership to work. It is healthy for our partner to do the same. It is healthy to ask each other, “What do you need from me right now?” “What can I do for you?” and to then to do those things, to the best of our abilities, that fill each other’s hearts. Not because we have to. Not because of demands or requirements. But because we want to. And not wanting to because we want to get something back or keep track of deeds or have an upper hand in any kind of way. But simply because we love.
I believe it is healthy to feel safe when speaking from our heart, without having to be asked, and I believe this to be true for any relationship dynamic. I believe children should be able to say to their parents, what it is that they desire, and have their voices met with consideration, not with disdain or neglect. Isn’t this the very least we can do for each other?
For anyone who has ever been told or treated in a way that let you know it was “not nice” to voice your needs or wants; for those who were ever told or treated as if you were “bad” for doing so, I believe it is important and necessary that you allow yourselves the favor of releasing those thoughts. Dig them out from wherever they are hiding, even if they are crouched down in the deepest parts of you, as painful as it can be to hold them out in the open, and wave goodbye to them. Set them free. In their place you can fill yourself with the awareness that you deserve, as much as anyone else on the planet, to use your voice. To say what it is that you need or want.
Give yourself the same presence you give others.
Speak with love.
And watch your life change right before your very beautiful and spirited eyes.
After all, you matter.
“Make a pledge to yourself right now, to declare that you are worth your time and energy.” -Deborah Day
Exactly as you are, with all your pieces, even the ones you do not think are beautiful or worthy.
Your feelings, both tiny and grand, matter.
You are supposed to be here on this planet, at this time.
You have a light that no one else has, simply because it’s yours.
You have a love to give that is unique to you. No one else is going to love the way that you love.
You are not comparable.
You are not replaceable.
You are not dispensable.
You are here for a reason.
You have things about you that you might think are silly or quirky or possibly even flaws. But guess what? Those are the very ingredients that make you irreplaceable. No one can replicate you! When people eat chocolate cake and like it, they can make another one, or they can buy another one. If people see a house they like, they can have another one built that is just like it.
No one can make, buy, or build another You!
Your life is intentional, so live it with intention!
“If you want to star gaze, no need to wait for the night. Just look in the mirror anytime- there’s a whole star-lit network of divine possibility staring right back at you. The inner universe is where it’s at, the galaxy of golden possibility that lives right inside your soul-skin.” – Jeff Brown