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Why now is the time to release who you are not and remember who you are!

How to Create a Hot and Healthy Higher Relationship, Part One
By Jim Self and Roxane Burnett – Chapter 24

Have you ever fallen in love? Falling in love is a third-dimensional phenomenon and is one of the many ways we forget who we are. When we are “in love,” many of us lose our focus, we lose our purpose, we lose sight of our goals, and we lose our passion. We begin to blend with that other person and we lose our identity. Then one day we wake up and realize with a jolt, Wait a minute, I’ve lost me! I’ve given up all my favorite activities, my hobbies, my friends, because I was so consumed in my relationship that I forgot about these things, or pushed them aside. I gave up me for we. It’s similar to when you see couples who wear the same shirts, walk the same dogs, or have exactly the same likes, dislikes and opinions — they have become so much like one another, their identities have blurred, leaving them with very little individual identity of their own. When we are in a vibrational resonance, or matching energy with someone, we often get into what’s called “sympathetic resonance.” It is similar to when you tap a tuning fork and another one on the other side of the room starts vibrating in a harmonic resonance with the first one.
Falling in Love

healthy relationship


What often happens is that when people fall in love, they fall into a third – dimensional group agreement that says, “I like you, because you’re like me. We have commonality; we have mutual purpose, we have all these same vibrations in our fields.” Your personality and your vibrational truths line up with their vibrational truths— sympathetic resonance. Over time, however, many of us find that the things that really interested us about that person begin to lose their significance. Now we have the things we wanted in a partner on a daily basis, we begin to take our attention off them and stop appreciating them. What was exciting and interesting about our partner has perhaps become a habit or commonplace and just part of the furniture. Life has happened around you, and a degree of mediocrity crept in between you.

For example, let’s say you really want a spouse that helps out around the house, one that never forgets to take the garbage out. Taking the garbage out, in your perception, is a sign that your spouse really loves and cares for you. You also want him/her to play tennis and golf with you. You believe that sharing activities, and likes and dislikes means the two of you get on well, are a good match and enjoy being together. So that’s the kind of partner you marry. He/She takes the garbage out every day, and is happy to play tennis and golf with you whenever you want. Time passes; taking the garbage out becomes a habit, and pretty soon you’ve taken your attention off it. You start to forget that taking the garbage out was proof of your partner’s love for you; you don’t value it any more. More time passes and you don’t play tennis and golf together very often, and then not at all. You both start doing other things, and all of a sudden one or both of you realize, “I’m not like you anymore, but I made this commitment that was forever and ever, and I can’t bring myself to break that.”

How many times have you met couples that absolutely should no longer be in relationship? They had a moment—regardless of what length of time the moment was—and it served them both very well. But they were so locked into the original, cultural agreement of “falling in love and getting married,” that when it was no longer serving either of them, they agreed to give up and stay stuck in mediocrity, or move on and continue the “falling in love” pattern with someone else with identical results.

Here’s another example of a lower-dimensional relationship phenomenon. Have you ever had one of those “eyes” across a crowded room moments”? You looked at someone and immediately thought: That’s the one! I’ve got to have that one right now! And he/she looked back at you with the same intensity in their eyes. Suddenly there was an undeniable level of passion (sexual energy) running through and between your body and theirs. Nothing and no one else existed in the room. All logic, wisdom and ideals—everything —was over-run by that intense, magnetic vibration. This is called “falling in lust.” Consumed with the thought of having each other, you both escape into the nearest empty room. Passion

You then spend several days rolling around with entangled arms, legs and body parts. You have a peak sexual adventure. Waking up the next morning/afternoon/week, after your twentieth massive orgasm, you roll over and look at that other person and think…

What the heck was I thinking?

Both of these are examples of how we can become so engaged with how the external makes us feel inside that we attribute those good feelings as coming from or being attached to that other person. We believe that person is the cause of those grand feelings inside us. Nothing could be further from the truth; however the cultural, group-agreement has convinced us otherwise. We tend to lose our own focus and our relationship to the energy that is our own personal, internal alignment. We begin to believe we must either fall in love or in lust to feel those feelings and that energy of connection.

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Being self-ish
EnergyHigher dimensional relationships are quite different from what most of us typically experience in the third dimension.

The tacit agreements and structures that were the foundation of many relationships in the past are no longer relevant when one lives on the platforms of higher awareness. The rigid structures of the third dimension serve us very well until we choose to step outside that box. As the Shift continues to unfold, more of us are asking big questions and choosing to be “picky,” to not “settle for,” and to surround ourselves only with the people and situations that vibrate where we are and where we know we want to be.

The concept of “selfish” in the third dimension can mean greed, conceit, competition, worry and separation from others. Many times it includes emotions such as jealousy, competition, resentment and fear. Selfish people cannot have intimate, long-term relationships, and are generally unhealthy and unhappy. They are continually looking over their shoulder for ways to cheat others and get more for themselves. Not a fun way to live. Selfish in the higher dimensions, however, is an important requirement for healthy, mutually supportive relationships. So let us reframe the term.

Self-ish means being all about yourself—you are the center of the universe. When self-ish, you are continually focused upon what works for you, what is aligned with your inner guidance and what is the most integrity-filled thing you can do in any situation. A self-ish person only does what feels good inside. Their well-being is of top priority. Competition, and worrying about who and what others are, compared to you, simply doesn’t feel aligned. When a person is standing on the platform of higher consciousness, greed and separation is not even an option. Their focus is on themselves. How do I make myself a better person? Would I feel good inside if I said that thing to her? How can I help that man, without giving my seniority away? What do I need to do and change to make myself more connected with Source and humanity? When someone is self-ish and is taking care of their needs and goals first, their cup is abundantly full; hence they have much, much more to share with others. 1+1= 3 can only occur between healthy, self-ish, self-aware individuals who are aligned with their internal guidance system. Selfish in 3D, however, is surrounded by lack, doubt and fear.

In a healthy relationship, each person must be very aware of their internal guidance system and have the ability to discern their truth from the truths of others. They must also know their boundaries and how to say “No thank you,” gracefully.Freedom Being able to do this for yourself first enables you naturally and effortlessly to allow others the same freedom.

When you know what pleases you and you can hold your space, you have more ability to allow others to simply be who, and where, they are on their path. No competition.
When you are not self-ish in this higher way, you have the tendency to step outside of what you know is in alignment, do what you don’t want to do, and become a resentful victim.
Can you identify someone like this in your life? Holding this energy long enough will affect their well-being and cause illness and disease. No one wants a partner, spouse or friend like this.

Look at it this way: Imagine you are in the scorching hot desert with a group of nine others whom you may or may not know, and you are the only one with a canteen of water.
How would you feel if you passed your canteen around to them before drinking from it first? Most of us would be worried and concerned that they would drink all the water before the canteen made its way back to us, and we would be left thirsting. Now imagine how you would feel if you drank from it first, then shared it with them.

The flight attendant says, “Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then assist the person beside you.” If you don’t, you may suffocate while trying to help them.

Take care of yourself first and you will have the life and breath to assist others.

Part 2 of this exclusive excerpt will be published next month


Jim Self & Roxane Burnett

Jim Self & Roxane Burnett

JIM SELF is one of the few international teachers, authors and speakers actually working at the leading edge, providing solid up-to-date information and practical energy tools to help us keep pace with the Shift. A former Vice-Mayor and advisor to and director of governmental operations for the Dept. of Energy during President Carter’s administration, Jim has successfully built and sold two corporations and is the founder and current Board Chairman of a third biomedical corporation. Jim has been a leader in the field of spiritual development for over 30 years.

ROXANE BURNETT is an author and teacher who has been offering tools for developing intuition and Personal Power to individuals, businesses and women’s groups since 1994. She has been featured on television, radio and in national publications both in the US and Australia. She is the co-founder and co-presenter of Mastering Alchemy.

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