I love the idea of the Thanksgiving Holiday, the way we try to focus on the things we’re most grateful for and getting together with family. It’s an awesome idea, yet for some it can be a source of major discomfort.
For me, I used to spend year after year feeling dread and anxiety at the very thought of Thanksgiving Day.
Every year my immediate and extended family gets together for a huge Holiday dinner. I really am grateful and do enjoy seeing most of the family but there’s a few that I have felt incredibly uncomfortable around. For years, I just tried to stay busy and stay away from these people.
The problem with my strategy of avoidance was the agitation I felt just being in the same space with these cousins. It caused me to snap at my kids and close off my heart to everyone else. By the end of the day, I would feel edgy, exhausted, and emotionally drained.
A few years ago, it finally dawned on me that I didn’t have to be miserable and dread Thanksgiving, all I needed to do was clear the toxic energy.
Doing these 5 simple steps made a huge difference and it was easy! (Certainly easier than being so uncomfortable every year.) So, if you’re feeling uneasy about the Holidays and family gatherings, here’s something quick you can do to clear the energy so you can have a great time and feel more connected and close to those you love.
1. Determine who or what causes you to feel so uncomfortable? Is it the fear of being judged or criticized? Is it the fear of being rejected? Is it old hurts from the past resurfacing? Or maybe the task of putting together the event seems overwhelming?
For me, when I considered this question, I realized that my discomfort stemmed from a few certain individuals who liked to have their fun at my expense. They constantly made me the butt of all their jokes. No matter what I did growing up, I always got laughed at. So my uneasiness around them was just the old hurts that hadn’t been released.
2. Ask yourself why this person or situation makes you so upset? Is there an old memory of a painful event? For me, it was the feeling of all the others playing and laughing together and refusing to let me join in, then making fun of me for being alone. (I noticed the pain of being left out was being triggered at Thanksgiving dinner if I felt the others were having a conversation that didn’t include me.)
3. Ask yourself, the part of me that’s feeling hurt or upset, what does that part of me need? If there’s something you can do to get the need met, do it. If not, take a moment to give yourself empathy and compassion because you didn’t get what you needed and it hurts. Believe it or not, this one simple step eases the emotional intensity a lot! You’re finally acknowledging the unmet need and validating yourself! It’s crazy that it helps so much but it does feel like a weight has been lifted.
For me I needed to feel valued and included so I just said to myself, “I give myself empathy and compassion. This really sucked, I needed to feel loved and included and it didn’t happen the way I wanted and it may never happen the way I want. I’m open to letting it go.”
4. Do some tapping to help release the uncomfortable feelings.
Emotions are simply energy in motion. All negative emotion is caused by disruptions in the body’s energy system so… working directly on the body’s energy system greatly relieves painful emotion and helps us heal. Meridian Tapping is kind of like emotional acupuncture, it activates different meridian points without the needles. You simple tap to activate the points. There are lots of different ways to tap, below I’m giving you a very simplified tapping point that I use sometimes to help release negativity and dissolve stress.
(If you want to learn a little more about tapping and some of the most recent research and it’s ground breaking results, click here. To see EEG brain scans and more research click here. If you want to learn more about meridian tapping and the full process, click here.)
Here’s a very simple tapping shortcut that works to activate the heart center. Tap the center of the chest while making the following kinds of phrases: (adapt these phrases to fit your situation)
“Even though I’m feeling dread and anxiety over going to this family event, I’m afraid of being left out and criticized, I accept all these feelings and I’m willing to release the pain of the past. Even though I’ve always hated these family gatherings, I understand that what I really needed was to feel loved and included. I am now choosing to give myself empathy and compassion for all the times it didn’t happen when I needed it so much. Even though it was painful to be left out of things and I’m afraid of feeling left out again, I choose to be grateful for all the people who love me and I choose to do my best to focus on helping everyone else feel loved and accepted. I’m choosing to remember what I give to others I give to myself. I am willing to forgive and release these painful experiences from my life. I am choosing to feel loved, supported, and included.”
5. Make a conscious choice to forgive the people and circumstances that hurt you in the past. You can release the energy by activating the heart center again but in a slightly different way. Just place your fist on the center of your chest and rub in clockwise circles while saying:
“I am willing to forgive _______ and the difficult situation, I am choosing to consider that they were doing the best they knew how and so was I. I am willing to release this painful experience with compassion and understanding. It no longer has any power over me.”
Take a few deep breaths.
If you’re feeling uncomfortable or more emotion is coming up, go through the steps again. If you still find yourself feeling uncomfortable, I invite you to consider getting some assistance to help clear the deeper issues and to help you release any energetic cords or attachments. To find out more about complementary consultations click here.
If you’re feeling great and you like the tapping, download my free audio program designed to release feelings of overwhelm and stress in minutes. Not only will you receive the audio, but 2 more surprise gifts through email. Click here to get yours. 🙂