UNDERSTANDING YOUR POINT OF ATTRACTION
Your “Point of Attraction” (POA) is simply the vibrational frequency of your personal energy. It’s the very thing that determines what you will draw into your life. You have a general POA and you have a POA specific to each area of your life and even to each desire. For example, you may have a powerful POA within the financial area of your life and find that money flows to you effortlessly, but a weak POA in the relationship area (and just can’t seem to find the relationship of your dreams.) On the other hand, if you find that you easily and joyfully attract beautiful relationships into your life, but constantly struggle financially, you are dealing with a high “Relationship POA” and a low “Financial POA”. If you think about the area of your life where you tend to struggle most, you can be quite certain that your POA could use some tweaking in that area. The good news is that your POA is completely “tweakable”.
WHY IT MATTERS
We’ve all had the experience of identifying a dream, trying to do all the right things to make it happen (including applying everything we know about the Law of Attraction to it), yet finding ourselves frustrated when it doesn’t happen. What’s up with that?
Here’s what’s up? First, when we speak about the Law of Attraction, we are, of course speaking of the magnetic power of the Universe that draws similar energy together. (Or, simply put the fact that “like attracts like”.) One of the basic truths about the Law of Attraction is that we can only attract the things, people and experiences into our lives that we’re in alignment with. We have to be a vibrational match for the things that we want in order to create them in our lives. So, if we are wanting something we perceive as wonderful, but are holding some not-so-wonderful thoughts, beliefs or fears around that very thing, we’re out of alignment with our desires. Our POA is lower than the POA of that which we desire, and we are not a vibrational match.
For instance, dreaming of financial freedom, while simultaneously holding the belief that only greedy, heartless people have a lot of money, is a clear cut case of being out of alignment with your dream. Wanting to find the love of your life while secretly believing you’re unlovable is another. And I think we’ve all known someone who claims they want to be in a great relationship, while also claiming (to anyone who will listen) that “all men are jerks” or “women can’t be trusted”. Not exactly a vibrational match there! The bottom line is that no matter how strongly we consciously desire something, if our beliefs are not in alignment with that desire, it’s going to a long, challenging road to making it happen, and it’s surprising how often we are unaware of the conflict (between our dreams and beliefs) that is going on inside of us.
With that in mind, wouldn’t it be nice if there were an easy way to gauge if we’re in alignment with any given desire or dream? Wouldn’t it be helpful if we could just answer a few questions and identify our POA in any specific area of our lives so we could make the necessary shifts in our thoughts, beliefs and actions? Well, actually there is and we can.
IDENTIFYING YOUR POINT OF ATTRACTION
I’ve created a simple formula for identifying your POA around any given area of your life or specific desire and I want to share it with you. It’s designed to give you a clear picture of not only how closely your energy is aligned with your desires, but also exactly where any blocks lie. I use this formula in my coaching practice and am amazed by the number of people who make the realization that they are not in alignment with something they’ve been trying really hard to manifest. Further, that they’ve actually been blocking themselves from the very thing they thought they wanted most. Just being armed with this awareness offers an opportunity to choose to shift those blocks and move into alignment with your desire, which of course is the key to seeing it manifest.
It’s MY current desire and intention for this process to bring you closer to manifesting your heart’s desires, so I’ve included a worksheet within this article. You’ll want to start by identifying a desire you want to explore today. This can be something you want, but have not yet been able to attract into your life, or it can be something you’ve been able to attract in, but haven’t been able to keep. It can be big or small, profound or simple. A wonderful new job you love, the best relationship of your life, a desired weight/size, perfect health, the vacation of your dreams or even something as simple as a really good Saturday night dining experience.
Your personal point of attraction calculation will simply be your alignment minus your resistance. Before getting started on the “Point of Attraction Worksheet” though, let’s take a look at the components that you will be scoring. Keep your identified desire in mind as we go.
(Desire, Intention, Expectation, Positive Emotion, Positive Focus/Gratitude)
A strong desire is your starting point to bringing your dreams into reality. That’s because The Universe is programmed to respond to our desires. The problem is, we sometimes think we’ve got a strong desire for something, when in reality … not so much. Ask yourself if you’ve actually really decided you want this, or if you just think it might be kind of nice to have? Are you sure it’s really your desire, or do you just think you “should” want it because it’s what’s expected of you? Do all parts of you want this, or is there some internal conflict going on? Just notice. If your desire is truly strong, you’ve got a jump start to manifesting your dream. It’s important to remember, however, that desire alone is not enough.
Before you can manifest something, you have to set an intention to make it happen. If you haven’t set a clear intention, you haven’t committed your energy to it and therefore you haven’t aligned with it. Can you honestly say to yourself “I intend to have this”? Or, do you want it, but only if it falls in your lap? Are you just hoping it will happen, or have you decided it WILL happen? Hoping and wishing are not enough. Setting your clear intention is critical to aligning with your dream.
Do you really expect to see your desire manifested, or are you just going through the motions? Are you expecting positive results or are you expecting to “fail”? Are you expecting the past to repeat itself or are you expecting something totally new and wonderful to show up for you? For instance, do you send out job resumes with the thought “This is pointless, no one’s hiring”? Or, “This could be the perfect job for me, I have so much to offer this employer and I’m going to prepare for their call”? Do you approach new potential partners with the thought “He’s probably hiding some horrible flaw” or “I’m going to enjoy getting to know him and exploring the possibility of this relationship”? Notice what you are expecting.
The emotions we feel around our desires will play a huge role in whether or not we are able to manifest them.
Bring the object of your desire to mind and pretend that whatever it is you are desiring has already manifested for you. In your mind’s eye, see yourself already having that great job, amazing relationship, perfect health, or whatever else it is you have chosen to focus on today. Now notice what feelings come up for you. Do you feel joyful? Excited? Peaceful? Really notice what you are feeling. You may be surprised to find that you are actually feeling something you hadn’t expected. Does the thought of the new job, bring up anxiety for you? Does the idea of having all the money you could ever need frighten (or even disgust) you in some way? Does the anticipation of a new relationship bring your up insecurities and fear of rejection? Just notice.
Positive focus can be the trickiest part of the Law of Attraction equation because very often, when we think we’re focusing on what we want, we’re actually focusing on what we DON’T want! Seriously! I have noticed that 9 out of 10 times, when I ask someone what they want, they actually tell me what they DON”T want, and there in lies the difference between positive and negative focus.
Here are few just examples to demonstrate:
Negative focus: I don’t want to be hurt again.
Positive focus: I want to be in a mutually loving relationship with someone I trust completely.
Negative focus: “I don’t want to be in debt anymore.”
Positive focus: “I want to be debt free with plenty of money to spare.”
Negative focus: “I’m afraid of what will happen if I don’t find a job soon.”
Positive focus; “I want to be employed and financially stable.”
Negative: “I eat right because I don’t want to get sick.”
Positive: “I eat right because I want to stay healthy.”
Remember, whatever we focus on we’ll see more of. If you are focusing on what you DON’T want, you will see more of what you DON’T want. (Focus on those 10 pounds you think you need to lose and you’re sure to see more pounds eventually piling up. Focus on your desired body weight and watch those pounds fall away.) These may seems like simple tweaks, but they are critical because whatever we focus on, we give our energy to. When we give our energy to something, we are feeding it and it will grow!
It’s also important to mention the difference between focusing and worrying here. The bottom line is that you’re either coming from a place of fear or a place of joy. Positive focus is done with joy. Worry (negative focus) is done with fear. Fear repels, joy attracts. It’s that simple. Notice whether you are focusing or worrying!
And last, but not least, come clean with yourself about how much you’re appreciating all the gifts you’ve already been given in life. Feeling gratitude for what you have right now in no way bars you from asking for something more or different. You can be grateful for your current job AND desire a more challenging one. You can be grateful for your torn and tattered, 12 year old mini-van AND desire a brand new red convertible. You can fully appreciate your relationship AND still want it to grow deeper at the same time. Being grateful for the gifts you’ve been given never holds you back from receiving further gifts. Actually the opposite is true. Think of it this way. Have you ever given a gift to a child who jumped up and down with joy, thanked you profusely and cared for it like it was a prized possession? Didn’t it make you just want to keep the gifts flowing? The Universe is no different. When the Universe sees how much you appreciate what it has sent your way, it just wants to keep giving you more!
Now let’s take a look at resistance.
(Limiting Beliefs, Fear, Resentment, Guilt, Lack of Action)
There’s a big difference between just wanting something and actually believing that it could really happen for you. If you don’t believe you can do it, you can stop right here because you can’t. If you believe it’s impossible for you to create the thing or experience that you desire, then it is.
In addition, very often we believe something can happen for us, but are less than enthused about the process of making it happen because we believe it has to be difficult. If you’re dreading the process of finding a new job or relationship, paying off your bills, or getting healthy, you’re sabotaging yourself and slowing down your ability to create it. Choosing to find a way to enjoy the journey is absolutely key to seeing your desire manifest. If you don’t believe the journey can be fun and exciting, it won’t be. If you believe it has to be hard and take a long time, trust me it will.
It’s quite common to both desire and fear something at the same time. Maybe only part of you wants that promotion and another part is scared to death of getting it because you fear you won’t be able to handle the responsibility. Maybe part of you really desires a loving relationship and another part of you is scared you might screw it up in some way. Maybe you doubt if you’re even responsible enough to handle the annual income you’ve set your sights on, or maybe you’re afraid people will leave you if you achieve the success you desire. It’s possible that a part of you wants everything to stay just as it is so you don’t have to experience the discomfort that occurs when you stretch yourself to new places.
If you’ve ever compromised (or been expected to compromise) your integrity or authenticity in the process of trying to hang on to a job, relationship or anything else, the fear of not being able to stay true to yourself can creep in pretty easily. Maybe you’re wondering if you’re really strong enough to speak your truth within a romantic relationship and fear that you may lose yourself if you fall in love. Maybe you’re concerned that you can’t trust yourself to not get sucked into parts of a job you find unethical. This was true for me when I started my coaching practice. I resisted the idea of having my website built because I was afraid that would mean I’d be expected to participate in on-line marketing strategies I didn’t feel good about. When I realized that I was in complete control of choosing what felt right to me and what didn’t, I was able to free myself to move forward with my business.
GUILT/FEELINGS OF UNWORTHINESS
You simply can’t bring something into your life (or keep it there very long) if somewhere inside you don’t feel worthy of having it. Ask yourself if any part of you is feeling unworthy of having what you desire. Maybe you perceive yourself as having failed at this very thing in the past and believe that means you don’t deserve it. Maybe you believe there isn’t enough to go around and others deserve it more than you. Or, maybe even that you haven’t paid your dues (or struggled enough) yet.
Additionally, when you picture yourself having the object of your desire, you might detect a twinge (or more) of guilt. Maybe you feel it isn’t right to have a lot when so many others seem to have so little. Or maybe even, for instance, you were raised in poverty and achieving financial abundance feels like a betrayal of your family history on some level. Perhaps if you found that great relationship, you might feel guilty about the time it could take away from other areas of your life. There could be guilt around having to set boundaries at work or with loved ones if you allowed yourself to focus more on your health. Just picture yourself having what you want and notice if any guilt creeps in for you.
We all have plenty of things we could be resentful about and plenty of reasons to fail, should we choose to accept them. Ask yourself if you are in any way viewing yourself as a victim (of someone else, society or your life’s circumstances). Are you excusing yourself from responsibility for your life by telling yourself that “it’s just the way it is for me”, or have you decided that nothing and no one will keep you from living your dreams? As always, it’s your choice.
Ask yourself if you’re still carrying around the baggage of past disappointments or traumas. Do you set out for a job interview thinking about how mad you are at your last employer for eliminating your job? Are you keeping your heart shut down in a new relationship in order to protect yourself (because the last one didn’t turn out so well)? Are you beating yourself up for the money you spent less than wisely in the past? Or maybe you’re still ticked off over the money you lost when the recession hit? If you haven’t let go of those disappointments, or if you are holding a grudge against anyone, you are holding yourself in the energy of the past, which prevents you from creating a better future. You have to let go of the power you’ve given to the past if you want to move into alignment with a better future.
LACK OF ACTION
Failing to take action is one of the most common places we fall out when it comes to manifesting our dreams.
Being willing to take action doesn’t necessarily mean you even know what action needs to be taken at any given moment in time. It just means that you are willing to keep moving in the direction of your desire. When you take the time to bring your energy into alignment with your dream and are faithfully taking steps toward it (even if they’re not the “right” steps), you’re making a statement to the Universe that you’re willing to meet it half way, and the Universe will respond in kind. If your steps don’t take you where you want to go, it just means it’s time to explore other paths to your destination. You can correct your course as you go, but let the Universe know you’re serious by continuing to make movement.
It’s important to say here too, that while you need to take action, you also need to detach yourself from “how” your dream is going to come about. In other words, it may show up in
a completely unexpected way. Take the action that feels right to you, but don’t limit the Universe by telling it how to do its job. As long as you’re in alignment and taking action the Universe will take care of the “how”. We can’t even conceive of the unlimited ways the universe can deliver our dreams to us, but it’s our job to stay open to them.
Remember too, that while no one can make your dreams come true for you, you certainly don’t have to do it alone. You have support of all kinds around you, in both the physical and nonphysical worlds. Ask yourself if you haven’t taken action because you haven’t been willing to ask for the guidance and support you need. You don’t have to know everything in order to manifest your desires, but being open to the help you need is critical. Reach out, ask for what you need and know that The Universe has your back!
Okay, now that we’ve explored the components of alignment and resistance, let’s get started on the steps to determining you Point of Attraction.
**************************************POINT OF ATTRACTION WORKSHEET********************************
If you haven’t already done so, identify a desire you wish to explore today
- Answer the 20 questions on the worksheet
- Total your points in Section 1 (50 possible).
- Total your points in section 2, by giving yourself 5 points for each “NO” (50 possible)
- Subtract your total in section 2 from your total in section 1.
- Your final number will be your “POA” for the particular desire you chose to explore today.
- Take a look at where you fall on the POA scale below and you’ll see how closely you are aligned with your desire
(Desire, Intention, Belief/Expectation, Joy/Gratitude, Focus
Rate each the following on a scale of 0 – 10
How strong is my desire to have (or do) this?
How strong is my intention (commitment) to have this?
How strong is my belief that I will have (or do) this?
How positive are my emotions around my desire?
How positive is my focus around my desire?
SECTION 1 TOTAL ____________
(Blame, Lack of forgiveness, Fear, Limiting beliefs)
Answer “YES or “NO” to the following questions, then add 5 points for each “NO” and 0 points for each “YES”
1. I truly believe it’s possible for me to have (or do) this?
2. I believe that I can enjoy the process of creating this?
3. I believe that I can handle having (or doing) this?
4. I believe I can have (or do) this and stay true to myself?
GUILT/FEELINGS OF UNWORTHINESS
5. I believe that I am worthy/deserving of having (or doing) this?
6. I believe that I can have (or do) this without feeling guilty?
7. I accept full responsibility for where my life is at right now?
8. I’ve let go of past disappointments and resentments in this area of my life?
LACK OF ACTION
9. I’m willing to take the action I need to take in order to make this happen?
10. I’m open to the support and guidance I need to create this?
SECTION 2 TOTAL _____________
THE POINT OF ATTRACTION CALCULATION
Total from Section 1 (Alignment) ________
Total from Section 2 (Resistance) - (________)
YOUR POA _________
Now take a look at where you fall on the scale below to see if your energy is in alignment with your desire.
0 ————————————————————- 25 ————————————————————– 50
Resistance POA Tipping point Alignment
WHAT YOUR POA SCORE MEANS
As mentioned earlier, your POA determines what you attract into your life, so the higher the better. While you don’t need to have a POA of 50 to manifest your desire, it certainly helps to be above the tipping point. The higher your score, the more in alignment you are with your dream and the quicker and easier you will see it come to life. If your POA is well above the tipping point, celebrate and rest assured that you’re on the right track. Simply keep up the good work and know that the results you want to see will be showing up.
The lower your score (especially if it’s below the tipping point of 25), the more challenging the process of manifesting your desire will be, unless you make some changes. But, if your POA is not as high as you had hoped for, don’t waste any time being bummed out. It just means that you’ve uncovered some blocks to this desire. This is actually good news too because it’s all within your power to change.
What matters most is that you now have the information you need to see what’s been holding you back from manifesting your dream. It’s all there, in black and white. You have a clear picture of where you’re in alignment with your dream and where you still have some resistance. This is good stuff to know because now you can get on with the business of raising your POA.
RAISING YOUR POA
The really good news is that YOU have complete control over making the changes that need to be made in order to raise your POA. You can increase your alignment and decrease your resistance and shift your energy if you so choose.
Start by going back to Section 1. Take note of which questions you gave the lowest ratings to. These will be the areas you will want to begin working on. Pay special attention to any questions you gave a rating of less than 5. These should raise a red flag for you.
Notice in which areas your alignment is strong (Desire, Intention/Expectation, Positive Emotion, Positive Focus/Gratitude) and in which areas it is weak. You may find that you’re strong in desire, but weak in expectation. Or, maybe you’re strong in positive focus, but your desire isn’t as powerful as you originally thought.
Next, go back to Section 2 and take note of any question which you answered with a “no”. These are showing you your areas of resistance. Notice what form your resistance shows up in (Limiting beliefs, Fear, Guilt, Resentment, Lack of action or some combination thereof) and you will know where there’s work to be done in order to shift into alignment with your desire.
Now that you are aware of these blocks, you can begin the process of transforming them, and here’s how:
MANAGING YOUR THOUGHTS
If you want to shift your vibrational frequency in any area of your life, you have to be willing to choose new thoughts around it. It may be tempting to claim that we don’t have control over our thoughts, but it’s simply not true. We always have the power to choose a better thought (and by better, I mean one that better serves our highest good). Part of raising our POA is being willing to take complete responsibility for all aspects of our lives, and that includes our thoughts and beliefs. (Our beliefs are just the thoughts we have continued to think over and over again, by the way.)
Why do our thoughts matter so much? Because our thoughts bring about our emotions and it is our emotions that the Universe responds to. Emotions are the very language of the Universe. If we’re sending out feelings of scarcity or sadness, for example, The Universe will respond by sending us more people, things and experiences that are a vibrational match for scarcity and sadness. If we are sending out feelings of joy and excitement, The Universe will send us more of what brings us joy and excitement. If we are sending out the vibration that “nobody loves me”, we will find that nobody loves us, or that if they do, we are unable to accept that love. If we wrap ourselves in self-acceptance and self-love, the Universe will mirror the essence of those feelings for us too, with things, people and experiences that confirm how awesome we are. Remember, our thoughts need to serve us, not enslave us. When we consciously manage our thoughts, we control our destinies.
KICKING IT UP A NOTCH
Having said that, there’s no need to panic when a negative thought creeps into your head. The fact that you have noticed it means you’re on the right track. Just notice and ask yourself if this thought is serving your highest good. If not, ask yourself, “what’s the next best thought (about this) that I can believe right now”. You may not be able to go from “I hate my legs” to “I love everything about my body” or from “I’m unemployable” to “I know the perfect job is coming my way”, but you can take gradual steps up the thought ladder. Maybe the next best thought you can believe is “I’m grateful that these legs get me to where I want to go” or “I have a lot to offer any employer”. You get the idea.
Just strive to kick it up a notch and before you know it, you will have shifted into a vibration that better serves you and aligned your energy with your desire. But keep in mind, if you reach too far, too fast (to a thought you’re not ready to believe”) your subconscious will probably scream “BS!” and sabotage your efforts. So, just pay attention, stay conscious and take one step up the thought ladder at a time until you reach your target belief (the one that serves your highest purpose.)
Going within is a powerful way to shift your energy and although taking action is a key component of manifesting our dreams, it does not replace going within. When you slow down, breathe, meditate, pray and consult your own intuition you’ll find that less action is normally needed. This is because you will be guided to take “inspired action” which is much more effective than random action. If you’re job hunting for instance, you could put a whole lot of energy into frantically sending out resumes to every job posting you see (which just serves to knock you further out of alignment), or you could step back, get quiet, consult your inner wisdom and let yourself be guided to those that feel right. Trust yourself. You’ve been gifted with an inner GPS (your intuition) that won’t fail you if you learn to listen to it.
When your energy is out of whack, sometimes you just need to get physical. In other words, walk, run, surf the waves or shake your bootie, whatever feels good to you. At the very least, seek a change of scenery and for crying out loud get outside, even if only for 10 minutes. Think of it as shaking off the stagnant energy. When you find yourself in a funk or hitting brick wall after brick wall in the process of trying to manifest your dream, get “out of your mind”, just get up and move. You’ll feel your energy shifting in no time.
TAPPING INTO THE “ESSENCE” OF YOUR DESIRE
Another powerful way to shift your energy into alignment with your dream is to simply reach for the emotions you believe you’ll experience once your dream has manifested. In order to do this, go forward in time to when your dream has already been manifested. How do you feel? What emotions come up for you? These are the emotions you want to tap into right now – even before you’ve manifested the object of your desire because these emotions are the very “essence of your desire.
If the essence of your desire is joy and happiness, ask yourself what you can do right now to feel more joy and happiness and then go do it. Do you want to travel to far away places because you want to experience more adventure in your life? Then do something at least a little bit adventurous today, even if it’s just taking a new route home from work. Do you want to experience more peace in your life? Maybe a day at the beach is in order. (If that’s not possible, a nice, hot sea salt bath could do the trick.) More romance? Buy yourself some flowers, light some candles, turn on your favorite music and dance. The important thing is that you feel as much of the essence of your desire as you possibly can at any given moment.
GIVE WHAT YOU WANT TO RECEIVE
One of the best ways to tap into the essence of your desire (and shift your energy) is to give what it is you want to receive. In other words, if you want to be loved, give more love. Give love to yourself, your family members, your plants and animals or just quietly send it to strangers while standing in line at the bank. There are no limits to the ways that you can give love. Just send it out and watch it come right back to you in unexpected ways. There’s always a way to give what you want to receive and it sends a message to the Universe that you know there is plenty to go around. The Universe likes that. In addition, help others make their own dreams come true any time you can. Help a job seeking friend create their resume. Do some match making for a single friend looking for romance. Helping others get into alignment with their dreams will bring you into alignment with your own dreams quicker than you can imagine, so go for it!
NOTICE AND CELEBRATE
While on the surface, it may not look like there’s much to celebrate at times, if you’re breathing, there’s always something in your life to celebrate. If you found a great job to apply for, but didn’t get called for an interview, notice and celebrate the fact that there are actually great jobs out there to be had, and know that an even better one is coming your way.
We need to make a habit of noticing and celebrating other people’s successes too. If, for instance, you’ve been trying to sell your house for 6 months and your next door neighbors sell theirs in 3 days, notice and celebrate that a house has been sold. This will shift you into the energy you will need to be in to get yours sold too. If you’ve been struggling to get your business up and running and your brother lands a million dollar contract, be happy for him. Take it as a sign that The Universe is showing you what’s also possible for you. Anytime we notice and celebrate something wonderful, whether it has happened to us or someone else, we are raising our POA.
MAKE IT FUN
Now that you have the information you need to move into alignment with your dreams, please remember to keep this fun. The last thing you need is one more dreaded item on your “chore list”, so enjoy the process of raising your POA, stay positive, trust your instincts and know that your dream is already on its way!
FOLLOWING UP WITH YOUR POA
As you make your shifts you may from time to time, want to recalculate your POA. Go back and answer the questions again, recalculate your total and see what has changed for you. Most likely you will that find your POA is higher than before and that your energy is in much closer alignment with your desire. If not, you will at least know where your blocks lie and where your work should begin. Good luck. You can do it- if you choose. And remember … The Universe has your back!