I’m 27 this year and never been in a relationship. Recently I went to Kenya, Africa for a holiday, visited a tribe, met the chief’s son who said that he wanted to marry me and I laughed it off as a joke. We have been keeping in touch, through Facebook text messages and phone calls. I love how he is so simple and honest. In fact it’s almost like he is what I have been waiting for all along – someone who would simply love me and be brave enough to express that to me (maybe because I’ve had many friendships with boys who in the end only want to end up bring friends). I know that he cares about me. I have very strong feelings for him too. He wants to be in a long distance relationship but I don’t see how that is possible… I don’t even know if we will ever meet again. My heart already loves him but I have yet to acknowledge and accept these emotions. For now I’ve told him that I need some time to get to know him better. It feels like an excuse. Another thing is that I know boyfriend/girlfriend is just a label and a status and that is not important to me. I don’t know what I should do…. Should I just say yes? Part of me feels like… What have I got to lose anyway? Life is short and I don’t want to live with any regrets.
Hope to hear from you soon
How fun for you to be able to take a holiday to Kenya, Africa and then to meet a man who may be potential for romance! You ask a viable question and it’s good to see that you are asking yourself questions as to whether a long distance romance is going to be in your best interests.
First, I don’t know how much time you had with your friend while you were in Kenya. Was it a week or two or several months? Did you get to spend a lot of time with him? Were you able to see him interact with his family, friends and strangers? Remember, they may treat you nice because they are trying to impress you, watching how a person treats other people is really a good indication as to who they truly are.
For people who are looking to attract potential life partners, I do not suggest long distance relationships. I do know one person that it actually worked out for, but that is one out of hundreds of relationships. It takes a lot of resources and resourcefulness to make a long distance romance work and develop into a life partner situation.
When we first meet someone, there is a level of attraction that is necessary to think of someone other than a “friend.” So hurray, you overcame the first hurdle. How well do you know each other? Do you have interests in common that would enable you spend time together outside your intimate time? Do you share similar values? These are important questions to consider. What about your goals for the future? Do you both want to settle down? Do you want to raise a family? Would you want to live in Kenya? Would he want to move away from his tribe?
Two red flags come up for me when I read your question. My first question – you are 27 years of age and never been in relationship, why? I realize you don’t exactly have one foot in the grave, but 27 is not exactly coming of age, so why no relationship? Could there be unconscious fears that are not being addressed? People who are afraid to commit to a real relationship with the roller-coaster of ups and downs become attracted to long distance relationships. It’s like having the best of both worlds; the romance of a relationship and the freedom of being single without responsibilities that go along with making a committed relationship work.
Second red flag – “He wants to be in a long distance relationship but I don’t see how that is possible… I don’t even know if we will ever meet again.” Why does HE want to be in a long distance relationship? Does he have commitment issues? All women like to think they are special and different, and while we are, men are usually in the driver’s seat. Yes, I know times are changing and women are starting to be more aggressive, however, men still have an easier time creating relationships because they are usually the ones doing the asking, while women usually wait to be asked. So, really, this guy could not find an attractive woman in his tribe or even in all of Kenya to develop a relationship with? This feels a bit off.
So my advice to you at this point, is first get clear on what it is that you want? Do you want a life partner or do you want someone to fill an emotional void for awhile? Personally, I would not commit to any type of romantic relationship at this stage of getting to know him. Continue to form a friendship. I met a man on a dating site over thirteen years ago. We emailed back and forth and chatted on the phone for almost three years before we ever met. During that time he dated other women, I dated other men. We formed a good friendship that has lasted till this day. We are not romantically interested in one another, but we certainly have one another’s backs. We have helped each other out of uncomfortable circumstances. We can always use a good friend.
If after truly giving yourselves a good amount of time to get to know one another AND you have asked and answered the important questions I have raised here, you both decide to move forward with a long distance romantic relationship, please write me. I will then give you advice on how to proceed successfully, but remember long distance romances usually require investments of large blocks of time, energy and finances that otherwise get spread evenly with local romances. You will need to be prepared with the resources.
I hope this has helped you StarsOfNovember! Wishing you love and light always,
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