Have you ever set out in a great mood to meet a friend at a café for coffee, only to spend a miserable hour or two listening to how rotten their finances/relationship/job is, etc.? Suddenly, the delightful day you had been anticipating dissolved into far less enjoyable, and no matter what you did to shift your attention and raise your spirits, you never quite managed to get your energy back to the same level as when you started your day. We have all experienced this dynamic in our life, but we rarely understand or pay attention to what occurred. What happens in situations like this is that we unconsciously match that other’s energy and then let it affect our entire day.
Now consider the following interchange. The six mangers at a juice factory meet monthly to update each other on production, customer service, sales, etc. The meetings have always been short, productive, and fun. Today, Sam, who works in shipping, has had a frustrating day with no-show employees, broken machines, and customer complaints. When it was his turn to update everyone, he stood up, revved up his energy, and began loudly complaining about how bad things are, how no other department is doing their job, and how no one is getting paid enough. “Ain’t it Awful!” Sam was throwing his opinions and energy out to the group, and within minutes, some of the participants were loudly agreeing with his complaints. What began as a productive meeting quickly escalated into a gripe session interspersed with thick, uncomfortable silence. What happened was that the participants were unconsciously matching Sam’s strong, charged energy, which moved them from personal balance to imbalance.
The result was no one had a good time; the meeting lasted twice as long as usual, and very little was accomplished.
Developing the skill of discernment
Here lies a great opportunity to assist your friend at the cafe, enhance the meeting, and become more masterful yourself. The energy of the problem the person is focusing upon, and the energy of the person, are two decidedly distinct things. The problem and the person are not the same. As you discern and become the observer of the situation, you are able to choose how you wish to engage. You may not necessarily agree with the energy of the problem, but you won’t automatically jump in to fix it. You listen from behind your Rose, within your Octahedron, and hold a tone that feels good to you—Happy, Kind, Aware, and a sense of your own well-being.
Understanding the mechanics of these interchanges can be extremely useful. In the past, before you had these tools, you might have matched the energy of others in order to understand their problem or situation. As in the examples above, once you match that energy, you may physically/emotionally feel the sticky, heavy discomfort of the problem the other person was holding. However, there is another choice. As you become more conscious and masterful, the valuable skill of Discerning becomes available to you. Instead of matching that loud, chaotic energy, engaging with it, and getting it all over you, you can simply observe it, discern if it is your problem, and then choose how, or if, you want to get involved.
You might say, “Gosh, I hear what you are saying about this mess you are in, but before we go there, how was your son’s graduation yesterday?” In this case you are helping them separate their energy and attention that is in the problem from the problem itself. You are discerning the difference between the person and their problem. Your friend and the problem are never the same unless they match and become one with the problem. As you change the focus and begin to create room to view the problem in a very different, less engaged manner, your friend will too. Soon, the charged issue they had a moment ago is not as important or hopeless.You, and they, begin to discern the difference between being the problem and observing the problem.
We all live our problems far too often. How often have you, like your friend, complained that you don’t have enough money, you’re sick, depressed, tired, sad, or otherwise not okay? The truth is you have never been not okay. It is impossible to be not okay. Most, however, have never even considered this concept. You can have a cold, feel depressed, and have money problems, but you arealways okay.
When you begin to discern and recognize the difference between I am okay and I happen to have a problem with money, feeling sad, or sick, then you have the power to change and rearrange your circumstances. When you identify with and match the problem, rev itup, worry about it, and let it run through your body, you and the problem are in the same uncomfortable space. You can never solve the problem while in the midst of it. You have no power to adjust your circumstance when you are revved up, engulfed in, and overwhelmed by it. Once you understand that you cannot be not okay, you are no longer a victim to the situation. From this new awareness, your problem becomes a circumstance, and you now have the necessary room to consider new and different potential solutions. You are okay, AND you are surrounded by a mess. You are not the mess.
When you find yourself in a high intensity drama, it is time to congratulate yourself, not beat yourself up. Most people go about their lives never noticing how their noise and drama affect themselves, their environment, and others. Noticing your own noise is a crucial step in becoming conscious of being unconscious. This is a big deal, and it’s a rich moment for you to leverage and observe both your reaction as well as your energy. Very few of us can easily move out of an emotionally charged mood while stuck in the middle of it. But now that you are becoming conscious of the thoughts, habits, and emotions anchored in your unconsciousness, the shift from being unconscious to becoming conscious happens more quickly. Here are a few actions you can take if you discover that you are indeed in the middle of an overwhelming situation, and it is running through your space:
• Disengage. Take a break, a nap, or a walk. Remove yourself physically from the situation until you regain your balance and alignment. If it is inconvenient to leave where you are, you can regain your balance by simply going to the company restroom and taking a seat there. Or push your chair away from your desk, and turn it so you create a bit of distance between you and the situation.
• Close your eyes. Check in with your Grounding Cord. Cut it off and put down a new one. Give it the command magnetically to attract to it any out-of-balance, or attitude that is in your experience now.
• Notice the emotions and sensations pulsing through your mind and body. With your imaginary hand, grab a bit of what is racing by and throw it down your Grounding Cord.
• Use the Rose tool for making separations from each of the others involved.
• Intentionally think about or remember something that feels better. Choose something that has absolutely nothing to do with the current predicament. When you change your thought, your mood, energy, and resulting experiences also change.
• Remind yourself that you are always okay, even if you make an “Oops!” now and again. You are not this problem.
• Once you find your balance again, you can use the skill of discernment to identify what part of this problem you can do something about, and what is not yours to deal with.
With the tools you have been given, you have the capacity not only to rearrange your circumstances, but also to remember, empower, and align yourself. You can experience this dynamic shift that will carry you into the fifth-dimensional awareness with ease and amusement.
This excerpt is taken from ‘Chapter 21 – You Are Not Your Problem’ – What Do You Mean the Third Dimension is Going Away? By Jim Self and Roxane Burnett. Excerpts may only be printed with the express permission of the authors. www.masteringalchemy.com