Twin Suns
Lynn (Gracie’s mom) / / CC BY-NC-ND

A twin flame is the manifestation of the other half of a  soul. They are the soul with whom we will eventually ascend. Twin flames come together when they are complete in and of themselves; some believe that all other love relationships in a person’s lifetime are meant as a way of preparing the two souls to come together in a lifetime love. Twin flames should not be confused with soul mates. Soul mates are the people with whom we have traveled together throughout our lifetimes. They are our family, our loves, our friends. We can have many soul mates, but there is only one twin flame.

I first heard about twin flames from a woman who believed that I was hers. I was skeptical at first, but I was receptive to the idea. Doing my own research, I found that the strange and intense ways in which we came together pointed back to the twin flame idea. We had an instant bond. From the first moment we connected, we knew each other. We had a sort of telepathy with each other. Without talking about it, I somehow knew what she needed to feel secure and she instantly knew what to say to get me to talk about my inner feelings. I am a friendly person, but I tend to keep my deep feelings to myself, so to find myself suddenly talking to this woman about my dreams and desires was a bit disconcerting. When she was restless, I instinctively knew how to calm her. When I was sad, she knew without asking whether I wanted her to cajole me out of it, or hold me and let me work through it. I had a knowing from the very start. My soul knew, without any doubts, that this was my love. I don’t usually consider myself a psychic, but I could see us together in the future, and I could remember us together in the past. We came together in an almost effortless reunion. We slept soundly and happily curled together from the first night. We woke up smiling at each other. We didn’t have to adjust to being around each other and we didn’t have to argue over housework or finances. Everything just came together effortlessly.


a rose for my flickr friends
ARTchemist* (AWAY) / / CC BY-NC

Twin flames are rare and I have talked to many people who believed that they found their twin flame, but later changed their minds. True twin flames seem to know it when they meet each other. They fall into each other and meld together spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

But human beings have egos and karma and baggage and the twin flame relationship is not immune to the problems that arise from these things. In fact, twin flame relationships may be more susceptible to the hurts that arise from one’s ego because twin flames, being connected so deeply on a spiritual level, might expect that everything else will be perfect as well. I am a spiritual seeker, but I am not completely free of my ego. When I sensed a distance, instead of giving her space, I got hurt. She pulled away instead of talking about what was wrong.

If you sense your twin flame relationship is failing because of your human frailties, take a step back and try to look at the situation from your soul instead of your head. Take a couple of days away from your partner and reflect on the problems in the relationship. Don’t concentrate on what you see as your partner’s fault, because truly, the things that are irritating you the most in a twin flame relationship are the things in your partner that are reflections of you. Focus instead on the way your souls mesh. Meditate on your own ego and ask yourself honestly if the problem is your partner’s actions or the way you are reacting to them.

In my own relationship, we were working on figuring out how to heal ourselves and move forward together when she decided that she would rather be alone than do the work. I was set back. Hurt. Depressed. In other words, I was feeling everything that comes from the ego and not from the spirit.

So what do you do when your twin flame doesn’t want to be with you? Nothing. There is absolutely nothing you can do. You are only responsible for yourself and you can only change yourself. Twin flame relationships are difficult, and when the two partners are not spiritually ready for each other, they are almost impossible. If one partner is ready and willing to do the work and the other is not, there is no way to make the relationship happen.

That doesn’t mean that you should stop doing your work if your partner is not on board. Working on your own spiritual fulfillment is a reward in itself. I read recently that sometimes when a twin flame relationship ends, it is the soul’s way of saying, “Wake up!” I have to admit that I had not been focusing on my own spiritual work while I was in my relationship.

If your twin flame relationship is failing, ask yourself if you have been focusing too much on the relationship and not enough on yourself. Remember, your spiritual journey is your journey. If you have been ignoring your own growth, perhaps the ending of the relationship is the soul’s way of bringing you back to your true path. soul

I have dived back into my own work with a vengeance. I have found that when I meditate past my fear, the feelings of hurt and confusion cease and are replaced again by that soul knowing. I am not happy to be out of my relationship because I feel that it was a blessed and beautiful one. Yet, I am happy to have this time to work on myself. I have joined a meditation group. I’ve found a class of like-minded women who get together once a week to discuss spirituality. I am going on a retreat in April to attend a sweat lodge and learn about owl medicine. I’ve started attending a drum circle. I am, in fact, doing any number of diverse activities that can bring me past my own ego and through the fear to the knowing and contentment that lies on the other side.

Your spiritual work has nothing to do with another person, not even your soul mate or your twin flame. The purpose of your soul work is to bring you closer to your own enlightenment. Your path is before you and only you can walk it. If you can work your way through your own fears and your own ego, it won’t matter if your partner is doing the work. You will reflect only love and security back at your partner and your ego won’t judge the love it is receiving in return. In the end, doing your own spiritual work will make you a better person, which in turn will make you a better partner.

Does this mean that your work will bring you back together with your twin flame? Not necessarily. If you are meant to be with your twin flame in this lifetime, it will happen, regardless of the human factors. I want to be in a relationship. I am happy with myself and I enjoy spending time alone and working on my own hobbies and activities, but at the end of the day, I want to go to bed and wrap my arms around someone in a kind and loving manner. Knowing that my spiritual work is for me and not for my partner means removing her from the equation. Yes, I want to be in a relationship, and I want to be in love, but pulling back into myself means that I understand that it might not happen with her. Being open to loving someone else is part of the process of healing and growth.

In the end, healing yourself is as simple as it sounds. It is about healing yourself. Do not consider what your partner might want. Don’t make your decisions based on what might save your relationship. Meditate. Learn about crystals. Take walks in the woods. Sleep eight hours a night. Work on making yourself physically healthy because being physically healthy opens the doorway to emotional health. Get a punching bag. Write down your dreams. Pet a dog. Kiss a baby. Smile at strangers. Healing yourself is an ongoing process, but it is the process that will eventually bring healing. Don’t be afraid to have hurt or sad feelings, but don’t wallow in them. Remember, you can only heal yourself. Start today.


Guided meditation meant to open yourself to finding your twin flame:

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