By the time I could speak, I was calling myself the “Competition Girl”. I lived and breathed competition. I came from a culture where second best was as good as coming last. During High School, I made up my mind to turn into what we called an “all rounder”. I had worried that my mediocrity in second place would turn my future self into a deadbeat. I decided to give her (my future self) all the opportunity she could have. After I left High School, I was a walking, talking, ambitious overachiever. I had done well in school, enjoyed acting in school mini plays and had a healthy social life. I also mapped out my life for the next ten years.
I was horrible at facing what I deemed to be failure. I cried for days when I got my first B in college. I cried alone when I fell from the top 1% of my Business School by a 0.02%. Despite that, I was confident that I was destined for success. I would know, since everyone had begun to tell me so.
Before I began my job hunt, I whispered a soft prayer to my patron saint.
Dear Saint Anthony, make sure you close doors that aren’t the best for me. You’re in charge of what I do and where I work.
And close the doors, he did. One after another. For someone who hadn’t dealt well with minor rejection earlier, it might as well have been a giant stake to the heart. Instead of realizing that the path might not have been for me, I kept pushing. I felt like an ant beating up against the Great Wall of China. In the mean time, my body had started to cave in. I had Carpel Tunnel Syndrome from all the computer work that I did not enjoy. I starved myself to make ends meet. At work, I was bored and tired. In short, I was miserable.
A day came when I had enough. My body was inventing ways to keep me sick and away from work while I was finding something much more fun to do. Energy Reading. I just had no idea what I was supposed to do with it.
Despite the various rejections, I was bent on having a ‘proper job’. One that was ‘reputable’ in nature. I also dreaded being self employed. Business is never certain but at least a paycheck from someone else was much more stable. Besides, given my tiny frame and round face I figured that it would be hard to convince anyone that I was above legal age, let alone able to help heal them.
Yet here I am, happily doing readings and healing for a full time profession. Oddly enough, doing what I love to do has been less of a struggle. For lack of better words, it ‘just happens’. It seemed as though one door closed, while the other opened wide with amazing golden light pouring through (Cue imaginative special effects).
I am grateful for Divine timing (I wasn’t back then, it drove me crazy) as I learned a strong lesson on surrendering rather than struggling ineffectively.
Here’s what to do if you want to professionally follow your heart:
Confirm With Your Heart
I sighed as I listened to a voice message alone in a friend’s room. It was an open call at a temporary agency. I had gone from two internships to temporary jobs that had miraculously paid for my rent and bills. Something about this call though, frustrated me terribly. I was exhausted by the constant cycle of gaining a job and having to leave it. While the paycheck would have been much appreciated, I knew that it was time to take a risk.
I walked out of the room, tears rolling down my cheeks. I declared out loud that I wanted to serve the world with my intuitive abilities. It was something I had been scared to do for fear of failure and being laughed at. My supportive friend dried my tears immediately. The dogs rallied around to add extra support. Surrounded by the support and sunlight I had realized at that point, that I wanted to focus on what made me happiest.
Ask your heart what it truly wants. You’ll know that you’re working for your heart when you wake up wanting to jump on the bed and laugh. While there are some nerve wracking times, it will always feel worth it. Your heart might want to do more than one thing and that’s okay too!
Are you sure this is a good idea? And how do you expect to tell everyone? What if you’re not meant to do this?
There’s nothing louder than the voice of your own doubts and fears. I was dealing with the fear of failure again and it was being reflected to me in the eyes of loved ones as well. Energetically, I could see it as a barrel worthy amount of tar. It made me all the more fearful. I finally expressed my concern to a meditation teacher, Natalie Villeda. She left me with these amazing words, “Energy sometimes tries to make itself look big, bad and scary. That way it can make you think you need others to help you….that you can’t handle it by yourself. It’s just energy.”
You might find old doubts start to come up. They will start to show in other people saying them out loud. It is up to you to decide whether or not you want to let go of them and how. Try to see where these doubts come from. Are they your old beliefs? Someone else’s old beliefs that you learned? Acknowledge them. Do they seem practical? Then plan for them. Handle these doubts without giving up on your dreams.
Learn to Surrender
“Divine Timing…” I sighed. I could never understand how I was to let go of anything that mattered dearly to me. Especially given that my bread and butter depended on it. Plagued by the fear that Divine Timing may occur much later than I’d have liked (which is a second after ‘immediately’), I posed the question “How do I really surrender?” aloud. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Just the act of asking had changed the energy as it had shown my willingness to try and have faith.
Know that things may not happen the way you expect, but it will always be for the best. When you feel like things aren’t working in your favor, call on the Universe to come through quickly. It will unless better is to happen through waiting. The key to manifestation is to believe that you can have what you want and surrender the need to have it.
Know That You’ll Be Great
Comparing myself to others often had me feeling less than I truly was. I hadn’t had as many years of practice and the very thought of putting myself out there was like a five year old trying to wear her Mother’s heels. I was busy with those thoughts as my dog flew past me. At a little over 6 months, she was an affectionate Energizer bunny. She was also an amazing teacher when it came to living for the moment. That’s when I realized it, she was fantastic at what she did because she loved doing it. It was possible then, for me to do the same.
Your heart sings for what you want to do because you love it and that alone makes you great at it. Being your unique self alone brings ample abundance. I know that it seems like a risk with all the things and people you have to take care of. And you’ll be surprised how much they will learn from watching you take your risk lovingly.
Divine Guidance Comes Quickly
The moment I made a decision to follow my heart, an opportunity immediately opened up. However, it meant that I would be putting myself out there on a much larger scale than I had anticipated. Prior to that, my favorite readings had been for my dog, who did a great job picking out cards with her nose and standing over all of them when she was bored. Now I would be reading for strangers on a daily basis. I said “Yes” without hesitation. I was even more surprised that the offer came from one that had so much more faith in me that I ever had for myself. The doubts scared me until I realized how happy I was to read on a daily basis.
The minute you follow your heart, you will be given guidance about what to do next. You may feel doubts, but good things related to it will happen in perfect timing. Try not to plan too far ahead into the future. Things can happen overnight and they are usually extremely positive.
I had the oddest way of having Spirit answer my questions. I would ask a question and wait for the answer. I found that my answer would come to me in the form of a book I felt drawn to reading or a conversation that would suddenly veer off to the answer that I needed. For fun, ask a question that you aren’t too attached to and remember to thank Spirit when you get your answer.
Try to learn as much information about what your heart wants. It helps you advance further. Additionally, start posing questions to those that you are comfortable praying or speaking to. Expect an answer and then, temporarily move on to doing other things. You’ll start to find answers in the most interesting places.
Often many things will try to deflect you from the bigger picture of following your heart. In my case, it is looking after everyone else. I tend to put others’ comfort over my ambitions. I just never knew how to interrupt anyone but it would involve hours of my time spent away from what I really wanted to do. The moment I started to excuse myself away and invest time in my own self, I began to feel more recharged. I was able to focus on the things that mattered most to me and plan better for myself as well.
One of the biggest challenges is to not compromise on yourself. This is where a lot of faith comes in. Do your best not to compare yourself with anyone else.
Trust Your Inner Compass
“How do you expect do this permanently?”
I get asked that question a lot. When working with Spirit, I learned to trust that abundance comes to you. However, that did not make sense to many of those around me. I started to consider the source. Where had they learned their views of money? Was it really applicable to me? I started to pay attention to what caused me discomfort and began to work them out for myself.
Respectfully listen to all advice but carve your own path out for you. Everybody is unique and what works for everybody might not work for you.
I started to imagine my work being accepted by all. I began to slowly explain my dreams to those that I felt I could trust. While I did meet with a few difficult reactions, I would quickly make new friends that had similar interests and supported my dreams.
Never allow yourself to feel alone. Find a friend who has perhaps similar interests or follows their heart as well. Being around that vibration or even reading books and articles that are positive make a difference. You’ll suddenly start to find support from all sources. Practice receiving this support on a daily basis through affirmations and gratitude to those around you.
Stand Up for Yourself
I have had a few moments where some of my friends took a harsh stance about my decision to follow my intuitive abilities. By lovingly vocalizing my point of view, I was able to establish boundaries and find strength within myself that I forgot I had.
We are met with expectations from those around us that feel difficult to go up against. Lovingly standing up for yourself means that you are standing up for your dreams while dispelling all the expectations and doubts. The doubts that others bring to you are merely reflections of the doubts you have for yourself. It reaps huge rewards in growth.
Affirm that you are up for challenges. This could mean anything from learning to operate new software or trying out a new method of meditation when handling more rejection. All these challenges lead to tremendous growth. You can make the decision to grow with happiness as well.
Most importantly, know that positive things do happen if you’d like them to. Your love for what your heart does creates happy energy that bubbles over to those around you. I’m leaving you with the same words that I heard when I asked my mentor Ryan Eriksmoen, if you could really follow your heart.
‘Yes, you can. You absolutely can.’